Two People I Have Met

Everyone knows much of Hollywood has a drug problem, and I'm about to tell you one of the reasons why. There is a girl I work with at the gym and she blew me away the other day with her ignorance and stupidity. We were at work, and she asked me a question. It was a question that she had asked me twice before, and I told her that we had talked about it before. So, she apologizes and says that she used to do drugs and it messed up her memory or something like that. I asked her what drugs she has done, and she basically said she has tried everything. And guess what? She is only 21. She is an actress here, but she doesn't seem very focused on it. Anyways, so we started talking about drugs, and when I told her that I had never done drugs before, not even tried any (and I was telling the absolute truth), she gave me this look as if I was the only person in America to have never done drugs. So, she asks me haven't I ever been curious to try and I tell her no, there is no point, it's stupid. Then, this is what she said that blew me away. She asks me what would happen if I got a role in a movie sometime in the future and I had to play a drug addict or something. I told her that I would do my research like any other actor and just play the role. She has the nerve to tell me that that is not possible. In order for me to play that part effectively, I have to actually experience the effect of drugs!!! My mouth dropped. How idiotic can you be?? Now keep in mind, this is a girl who has no education and most likely dropped out of college BECAUSE the drugs she was on made her stupid enough to do something like that. I told her that acting is just that......acting. It is pretend, and a large part of acting is being able to imitate. She wasn't hearing it and still tried to convince me that I had to try drugs in order to play that role convincingly. At this point, I decided I was wasting my time talking to someone who had obviously killed millions of her brain cells and really wasn't on my level intellectually. I find myself thinking that a lot.

The point of me telling this story is that I believe things happen for a reason. And when you're a good person and have good karma, good things happen to you. I wanted to come to Hollywood right after high school, but due to circumstances out of my control, I just couldn't do it. So, I went to college, and while I was there, I was planning my move to Hollywood the whole time. I am so glad it happned that way. I did so much mental maturing during my 4 years in college, that I was a completely different person when I graduated from when I started. COMPLETELY different, in my eyes at least. What if I had moved out here at 18, and heard this bullsh*t from someone at that age? I hate to sound like an educational snob, but I just don't understand how people can be so stupid, especially when they tell you they grew up in a functional family with good parents. I don't want to walk around thinking I'm too good to talk to certain people, but I'm sorry, I like to have stimulating conversations. It's just frustrating to try and have a conversation with stupid, ignorant people. Don't get me wrong, this really isn't about education as much as it is about common sense. There are plenty of people out there who didn't go to college that are very smart, and there are plenty of people who did go to college who are just plain stupid. To sum it all up.....I just can't talk to people who spew garbage out of their mouth like this chick from my job.....end of story.

On the opposite end, I met a wonderful lady at my other job, the hotel that I work at. Her nameis Kate and she is into doing meditations, guided relaxations, and astrological chart readings. She stayed at my hotel for about 2 weeks and she said as soon as she saw me, she knew she needed to help me. She said something about my aura being really bright and she was just drawn to me. So, one night while I was working overnight, she brought her computer down to the front desk. She has this program on there where you enter someone's name, birthdate and city they were born in, and pulls up their astrological chart on the day they were born, and there is also a progress chart, that shows how that chart moves as the person moves through life. She was reading my chart and telling my why I was so stressed out, why I am very impatient, why I am a go getter, what I need to do to feel better, and some stuff about the future. Now, the interesting thing is this. I said in one of m earlier posts, that back in 2005 I went to see a psychic back in Ohio. The things she told me matched exactly to what the psychic had said. So, now I'm hearing the same things from 2 totally separate sources. Coincidence? Not even possible. I wass really amazed. She said that in the next few months I was going to have some really good opportunities present themselves to me.

She also kept mentioning how she felt the need to help me. As we were talking, I told her about Jill and her Criminal Minds Blog and Jill was this complete stranger, who happened to come into contact with me through the blogs, and just wanted to help me, for no apparent reason. Kate explained to me that people, including herself, just want to help me. She made me write down on a piece of paper, "People want to help me" so I can look at it everyday and realize that it is ok to accept help from peolple. See, my problem is that I am such an independent person, that I don't really like it when I need help. I mean, my mom sends me money every so often and I tell her to stop because I feel like I should be doing this on my own. Even Jill who runs the Criminal Minds Fanatic Blog will tell you that when she helped me to get my 3rd SAG voucher on the show, I kept thanking her over and over and telling her I owe her everything. And she would tell me, "you don't owe me anything". And I would say, "why are so adamant on helping me? I'm a complete stranger". And she said, "Because I had the opportunuty to. What kind of person would I be if I didn't do that for you?". And I'd thank her some more, and it got ot a point where I think I started to irritate her and she stopped me and said, "Look, this is something I wanted to do. You've thanked me enough, now this is the last time, and let's just go on with what we're doing". I realize that it must have been annoying for me to be thanking her EVERY TIME I talked to her, but from my perspective, I just kept asking myself, "how on earth do I deserve this?" I almost felt guilty. But I have now realized that it is ok to accept the help, and that one day when I have the resources to help someone, I will eagerly do so. All I wanted Jill to know was that she picked the right person to help and that I would not take it lightly or for granted. This is serious for me and I'm determined to be successful. I hope she realizes that.

Jill and all of you who have left such positive comments on my blog have taught me a lot about the importance of just being nice and helping people when you can. It makes the world a better place!

I'm done ranting for now, time for work!

The Beginning of the Rest of My Life

So, one of my student loans has gone into repayment and I just sent my first payment today! Crazy! I'm having a real problem with it because it feels like I'm just giving away my hard earned money and not getting anything in return. Of course, my education is what I "received", and I know that, but it still feels like I'm just giving up $300 a month just because. There is no way around it though. I'll just have to come to terms with it sooner or later. On my current plan, I'll have this loan paid off in the year 2022, haha. And that is only one of my loans which amounts to only half of my debt! Anyone jealous???? I just have to laugh about it now. There is no sense in sitting around being mad about it. I am just going to visualize my acting success coming to me and my loans to be paid off immediately. Remember, the mind is a powerful thing!

On that note, the casting office for the show Criminal Minds has agreed to let me come into their office to shadow the casting directors for a day or two. It's really exciting. I think it will be a great opportunity for me to see what goes on in a casting office and to see and hear the casting directors say what actors do right and wrong during their audition. Maybe it can help me be a stronger auditioner. So, thank you to Scott David, the head of casting, who agreed to let me do this and an extra special thanks to Jill, who runs the Criminal Minds Fanatic Blog for helping to set this up for me.

Positive quote:

“You can never think too big. Dare to affirm big ideas. Dare to expect big results. Such attitudes are the difference between a prince and a pauper”

--Catherine Ponder, The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity

My Day with Pam

Everyone remembers Pam, right? She is my favorite crazy that I met on the set of Transformers back in September. Well, we've kept in contact through e-mail ever since and we finally met up again, last week to see the movie. THE movie of all movies according to Pam. We went to see the movie on July 4th with a few of her friends. Let me tell you how the day went. It started off at Pam's house where she had some good food for everyone to eat. The topic of conversation was, of course, Transformers as Pam and I were recounting our time on the set. Pam is truly crazy! If you look at the picture on the left, someone has CLEARLY stated an incorrect fact about the Transformers and Pam is putting them in their place. I mean, look at the shock and disgust on her face! Haha....it wasn't me. I wouldn't dare! Also notice Pam's shirt. It was no coincidence. Pam wore that shirt on purpose and proudly. Pam has come completely to terms with her nerdiness and obsession with not only Transformers, but with sci-fi stuff in general. Whether she accomplished this with the help of a therapist, I'm not sure, lol.

I'm really trying to paint a clear picture of how addicted Pam is. Here is another example. When we were at her house, I noticed she had a red, white and blue hair clip in her hair. I thought to myself how patriotic it was of Pam to wear an American flag in her hair on July 4th to celebrate our country's independence. So, I mentioned it to her, BUT, I really should have known better! It was no flag......it was a freakin mini Optimus Prime hair clip!! Where on earth did she find that thing?? Look, when I first wrote about Pam back in September, my mom read the post and literally thought I was making it all up. I explained to her that I am not that creative. I just don't have the imagination to say that a lady on the set kissed the Optimus Prime truck on the set if it didn't really happen. Need another example? Click on the link on this sentence to take a look at Pam's blog. If you don't have time to read it, just hop over there to look at the sheer length of one of her posts about the Transformers set, and there are multiple posts about our time on the set. That is a TRUE fan! Here are 2 snippets from her blog, in her own words, about the movie:

I LOVED IT SO MUCH that it's quite possible I'm not going to go see any other movie the rest of summer but this one!

I LOVED IT SO MUCH that I'm going to buy every single version of the dvd when it comes out, and I will not bitch like I usually do when different versions of the same movie come out on dvd!

Do you all understand why Pam is the greatest crazy of them all?!?!?!

Now, for the actual movie. We went to see it at the Arclight Cinema because Pam got us her preferred seating, high up, right in the middle of the theater. In the courtyard of the cinema, they had brought in the cars and trucks that the robots transform into. Of course we couldn't get by them without taking some pictures. I have to admit, I felt kind of cheesy, like a tourist or something, but I did it for Pam!!

So, we went in and sat in the theater and Pam is jittery and genuinely excited like a giddy little school girl. It was pretty funny. During the movie when the robots make their debut, Pam is grabbing my arm and writhing in her seat with excitement. She was squealing throughout the movie, but she tried her hardest to keep it in. The Arclight Theater has strict rules when it comes to noise and they will not hesitate to kick your ass out. If this were to happen to Pam, armageddon would have been upon us!

Anyways, we get to the end of the movie and the scenes that Pam and I are in are coming up. We're both excited at this point, our adrenaline is up and we're seeing the things on the screen that we saw on the set. Unfortunately, we were both let down. We weren't necessarily cut from the movie, it's just that once they digitally added in the robots and fighting, it covered up a lot of the people. This isn't to say that when the DVD comes out, we might be able to be spotted in some of the deleted scenes or something. We just won't know until it comes out. Why does it look like I have no arms in the picture to the right??

All in all, the movie was great and there was a lot of action. Rumor has ithey are already in pre-production for a sequel. So, that concludes my day with Pam. It was fun and I wouldn't have wanted to see the movie with anyone else. Now, doesn't Pam really look like Whoopi Goldberg?

Oh yeah........

How could I forget to mention this? Last week, I sent Ohio State my official notification of withdrawal from the school. Let me just say that the letter was only a few sentences long, yet it took my an hour to write. I was shaking the whole time. It was so nerve-wracking. I couldn't even hit the send button myself. I had to have someone else do it for me. I felt light headed and as if I was going to break down any second. My safety net is no longer there. I'm out here to do this for real! I am no longer a medical student. I couldn't help but ask myself over and over again if I had just ruined my life. Sometimes, I still don't know. I guess only time will tell. Although, if I followed my heart and desires, which I believe I did, then everything will be all right, right??

It's Been A Whole Year!

I was hoping to post this on the actual day, but I guess that didn't happen. Anyways, Sunday July 1st was my one year anniversary of arriving in Los Angeles. Where did the time go??? I can't believe it. It doesn't seem like anywhere near a year ago when I was leaving Ohio (teary eyed) to start my trek across the country. Yes, I got teary eyes leaving Ohio. Not because I was sad. Well, I was sad to leave all my family and friends, but it was more nerves than anything. I have never lived anywhere else in my life besides Columbus, Ohio. I think that is why I've been stressed so much lately. I love LA, but I thought I would just move here and adjust just fine and be on my merry way. Not so fast. I didn't even realize it until I was watching one of the news stations one morning a few weeks ago, and one of the newscasters said that when she moved to LA, it took her 4 years to fully adjust and feel like this was her "home". I get so anxious and I'm constantly worrying about my well-being and my finances. I think I just need to sit back and take a breather and realize that I can't do everything at once! I like the fact that I am a go-getter and that I can stay focused on the things I want to achieve. I think it's what helped me to get my SAG eligibility, my agent and the 2 films that I have done this year. But the disadvantage is that I tend to take on too much at one time. I've had a few, what shall I call them......"emotional releases" over the last year. Some of them out of sheer anger and frustration, some out of fear of the unknown. Why I'm admitting this to the whole world.....I have no idea. In any case, looking back on my first year here, I can't really complain. I've accomplished a good deal and met some great people, including Jill who runs the Criminal Minds Fanatic Blog. She has been a MAJOR help to me, in more ways than one. I've made some good friends (and lost a few, which I'll talk about in my next post).

As far as the acting goes, I'm hoping things pick up a little bit. My new pictures have been getting a lot of repsonses from casting directors of various projects, etc. I really think they are the best ones yet, and I'm just glad to be at least auditioning again. I had 4 this past weekend. I'm not sure I had that many for the whole months of April and May combined! I'm just working on being a better auditioner and I'm really ready to do some serious projects. Wish me luck!! Now if I could just get my agent to call me a little more often as well..............

I hope everyone has a great 4th of July. I'll be going to see Transformers with Pam. This should be interesting, but I'm excited. Here's the positive quote:

"If the mountain were smooth, you wouldn't be able to climb it."

--Unknown

I just heard this the other day on tv and I've already forgotten who said it, but I LOVE this quote. It means a lot to me especially. I say it to myself everytime I feel myself getting impatient or frustrated. I don't think that necessarily EVERYTHING we really want in life has to be hard to achieve, but when it is, and we finally get it, what a great feeling! It's validation that we are capable of achieving our goals if we stay focused. I'm taping this one to my wall so that I see it every morning when I wake up!